Insights • Inspirations • Destinations • Design

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

The Love Of A Dog



"Free To Good Home –" the ad said. 
"Jack Russell/Maltese terrier. Slightly energetic – (I loved this, the way they'd tried to downplay what was obviously a crazy personality) but still full of love. Likes the beach, sitting on the heating vent in winter and licking feet. Also likes walks, lamb chops and chatting to other dogs. Looking for loving new home."

I looked at this ad, and the pixelated photo with it, and contemplated the idea. For the past three months we had endured fertility tests in an attempt to start IVF, but I was ready to pull out early. It was demoralising, frightening, and unexpectedly lonely. For months I had sat in clinic waiting rooms while RR was at work and for months I had quietly watched other couples hold hands while I sat on my own. It wasn't his fault: I had told him he didn't need to miss work. But a part of me wished I'd been more selfish. There is nothing sadder than sitting in a fertility clinic looking at a poster of a happy family when you're all on your own.

A few months later, after a gruelling work trip to New York, a bad publishing deal, some pummeling deadlines and a traumatic house move, I waved the white flag. "Let's get a dog instead?" I quietly suggested. So we bought Coco home.


Now I don't know why the previous owners called her Coco since she doesn't look anything like Ms Gabrielle Chanel. (More like Courtney Love on a bad peroxide day!) Nor does she act like her; with hauteur and smoothed-down sophistication. In fact, she's as mad as the Mad Hatter. Maybe more so. But it seemed like fate that she came along. I was writing a book about Chanel at the time. What were the odds of finding a dog with the same name?

I remember she looked at me as we drove up the mountain, wagging her tail in a courageous way. I remember thinking how brave she was, getting into a car with a stranger, and how well she faced uncertainty. I thought: I could learn a lesson or two from you little girl.



Then reality hit. And our home exploded. For the first few months Coco wrecked havoc on our lives. She chewed through iPods, iPhones, new shoes, new gardening gloves (see image above) and even my manuscript notes. I punished her, then cuddled her with guilt. It was clear I had no idea how to be a good mother.


But we persevered. We bought her a playmate – a Cavalier King Charles spaniel, which we called Cooper, after an Adelaide beer. (Don't ask.) She loved him at first lick. Then we bought her toys to keep her bright mind occupied. We encouraged her to dig outside (rather than in our shoe cupboards), and, after failing at Dog Training Group (we were the bottom of the class), worked out our own Coco Education Classes. It was a long, slow road.

But even though I adored her (they both sleep in our bed), I never really felt that rush of protective love some people have for their children and pets. I was too scared I guess. I still wasn't sure she'd stay, you see. I wasn't even sure where we'd be in two years.


Then last night she snuck into the pantry and – in typically Coco fashion – helped herself. This time, though, it was a packet of raspberry bullets. Chocolate coated. All 400grams worth. Chocolate is poisonous to dogs. It can kill them in 24 hours. Dark chocolate is worse (cooking chocolate is lethal!) but milk chocolate is just as bad. Coco went crazy from the sugar rush and then proceeded to gulp all the water bowl and vomit her way through the evening. Big chocolate-y vomits. Which smelled like you wouldn't believe. I stayed up most of the night watching her and cleaning up. We ran out of paper towels and fresh blankets at 2AM. It wasn't an easy morning.

Then, at 9AM this morning, barely coherent from lack of sleep, I looked up "chocolate and dogs" on the Internet. "CHOCOLATE TOXICITY," it said in big letters, and I felt the alarm bells go.
"Dogs that accidentally eat chocolate can become excited and hyperactive and then very thirsty. Vomiting and diarrhoea soon follow. The effect on the heart is dire. Death is possible, especially with exercise. Many pet owners assume their pet is unaffected as the signs of sickness may not be seen for several hours. Death can follow the next day."

Within two minutes, I had the leads, Cooper in his car harness and a sickly Coco in my arms and we were racing down the road to Moss, our lovely vet. He ushered us all into the surgery (Cooper stood on the table too) and calmly checked her heart, her eyes, and her stomach. When he said that she must have vomited most of the poison up, I gave a little murmur of thanks. And then I burst into tears.


That's the thing with dogs. You can hold them at arm's length but they'll still somehow sneak their way into your hearts. I had always looked after Coco. Walked her. Fed her. And ensured she was okay. But I'd never really cared for her. It was difficult loving a dog that was so naughty. And maybe I wasn't quite willing to remove the guard from around my heart?

But then she almost died. She ate some chocolate licorice and almost died. Driving down to the vets, sobbing "I'm sorry, I'm sorry" as she lay sadly on the seat beside me, I realised she had been the strong one all along. She had brought us all together and made us laugh. She had saved me from my loneliness and infertility. And she hadn't wanted anything in return but love.


So this is a tribute to Miss Coco. She may be naughty, and she may not look anything like Miss Gabrielle Chanel, but she's very much a dog with a heart.

34 comments:

  1. Awww, made me cry. Glad she is Ok. It's true that nothing fills the same place in our hearts that pet can.

    Love your blog - thanks for writing!

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    1. Oh, I'm sorry I made you cry Heather. But thank you for your note. And your kind compliment too.
      Janelle

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  2. Coco looks so gorgeous! Thank goodness she is ok and so are you.
    My parents always had dogs until they moved into an apartment. The very last dog was yet another stray adopted by my father and my mother was never overly fond of that dog. Just before my parents moved from the farm, the dog died. My mother cried and cried, as she said she would never have another dog. Pets are such a part and markers of family life and times.

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    1. This made me laugh. My father was the same. They had a little terrier for many years, named 'JJ' after my mother's and my initials, and when she died he was devastated. It was years before they got another one. Hopefully we have 12 more years of Coco's naughtiness!
      Thank you for your kind note. Always so lovely to hear from you.

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  3. "Until one has loved an animal, a part of one's soul remains unawakened."
    ~ Anatole France

    Welcome to our world!

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    1. Oh, I love Anatole France's quotes De. And this is so fitting! Thank you for commenting. I'm very grateful for your contribution.
      Janelle

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  4. Awww, this is such a great post, and one I can totally relate to, having recently adopted a dog and experienced all the naughtiness.

    I hope with all my heart that she is better real soon.

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    1. Thank you so much. Coco thanks you too!
      (By the way, she tries hard to be good! SO hard. But she just can't help herself. She's like the naughty girl at school who just HAS to get into trouble for the sake of it. Sometimes I don't know whether to yell at her, or laugh!)

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  5. Such a wonderful post Janelle... I hope Coco is much better now and still creating havoc! xv

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    1. Thanks Vicki. Always a delight to get your lovely notes. I'll be thrilled if I write anything as articulate as you!

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  6. Oh your poor dear Coco - and I am so pleased that she is better now. Know just what it's like to be so worried and so relieved. And I also know what it was like to be visiting Fertility Clinics totally on my own too.
    And on playing catch up on your previous posts - love the idea of a fragrance of books or libraries - how clever. I also like the smell of stationery cupboards pencils etc!! And I so agree with you, there is nothing as wonderful as the Chelsea Flower Show. Take care, Sarah X

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    1. Thank you Sarah. It's amazing how many others have gone through the fertility mess too. I've written about it a little but think I'll stop now as it's probably utterly boring to all!
      Are you going to Chelsea this year? I thought I'd try and make it over.
      Janellex

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  7. Oh Janelle, how is she now?
    The other day, as I was driving home, there was the possibility that my Souk would not be there when I got there (a snake had been sighted on our lawn) and it was then that I realised that, despite the problems she presents the impossibilities of her as a pet, she is the thing that is keeping me alive, she is my reason for being so I know exactly how you feel and I pray that you both get through this with flying colours. J xx

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    1. I forgot to ask about Souk on the phone. Please forgive me! I do hope she's okay when you get home. Will be thinking about you both today.
      J xx

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    2. She is fine (I think!!!) pick her up in the morning from the kennels where she will have wreaked havoc! Winnie on the other hand will have been as good as gold! Thank you for the call it was a delight. xxx

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  8. Amazing intuitive connection. I'm the queen of infertility. Never pregnant, tried everything. Horrible during the ride. Looking back? Providence. And I made a choice. To Be HAPPY.

    Had my chocolate lab throughout infertility, then she died. Without her love I had to look around and see things as they really were. My life hasn't been the same since.

    Never worry about your infertility. Ride with it. Whatever the outcome, it's the right one.

    Garden & Be Well, XO Tara

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    1. Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that Tara. It's awful being childless, isn't it? I feel like 70% of my friends have drifted away to their Mothers' Groups and Parent Days. But you just have to reconcile it. I'm not paying $180,000 for a LA clinic.

      I'm also sorry to hear about your lab. How sad. Perhaps you might consider another dog soon? You have the perfect occupation for it.

      Thanks for your kind note. It reassures me to know others have been through the trauma too.

      Janelle xx

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  9. It takes a lot to move to me to tears, but I have to confess I am sitting here with big splashes hitting the keyboard. First the gulping realisation that it is so hard for you to have children, then this killer ending to the naughty dog story. Really, when all is boiled down in life, it is just these very simple things which keep us going, and which have meaning. Unconditional love. No matter what. From human or from pet.

    I guess she won't be any less naughty after her near-death experience, but at least you will be able to smile ruefully as she destroys everything!

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    1. Oh, I'm sorry I made you cry. Do hope I didn't ruin your mascara! Yes, it's funny how the little things move us. I woke up this morning with a completely new attitude to Coco and Cooper. And possibly also to life.

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  10. Anonymous Mar 21, 2012 07:39 AM
    Adore your blogs...particularly loved today's "Coco Story"...your loving words and admissions of finding a true love and awakening...thanks to a little critter! Very touching.

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  11. You have had a very tough run here, both medically and dog wise. Life is really hard, sometimes, and it's impossible understand. Hope things improve for you both.
    How can you sleep with the dogs? Not a value judgement! Our little terrier has slept on our bed through the occasional terrifying thunderstorm and I don't get a wink of sleep. I really think he's happiest in the laundry! But cuddling on the sofa, now that's another story... Take care of each other.

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    1. Hi Fiona, I hear you and agree completely! The dogs should be sleeping on the floor. (My mother would be nodding her head at this too. She grew up on a farm and is horrified that our dogs are even allowed on the sofas!) So tonight I said: "That's IT! No more dogs on beds!" RR just laughed. He knows it's me who usually sneaks them up there. But thanks to you we're determined to put them on the floor from now on. Thank you for the encouragement!
      Janelle

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  12. I know this post is about your little dog (and I'm so glad Coco is okay)but you touched my heart with the infertility bit. Believe me when I say I know how you feel. Life just doesn't seem fair when you are sitting in a fertility clinic. I am very fortunate, in that I now have two gorgeous children that hubby and I adopted from overseas and I truly do believe that life handed me what I needed. Stay strong and spoil yourself heaps.
    Sharyn x

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  13. I'm so pleased to hear you and your husband adopted Sharyn. How wonderful! We want to but it's very difficult in Australia. Almost impossible, in fact. Hugh Jackman's wife has been a big advocate of changing Australians archaic laws. (They both adopted their children in the US.) We may look at it next year. But I fear I am too old now...

    Thank you for your lovely support though - and your confession. I'm so thrilled that you two are parents. Your posts are lovely so you must be a wonderful mother.

    Goodness, this post is turning into a real therapy group for me!

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  14. Oh Janelle, you darling soul. Thankyou for your raw honesty in sharing something so personal here. You and Coco were clearly meant to find each other - dogs have such extraordinary intuition, don't they? I'm so relieved she's okay now. Sending you a huge Hobart ♥ after a horrid fright J x

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  15. Oh my goodness what a wonderful post! Of course terrible that little Coco almost died, but a wonderful ending. My furry kid had surgery a week ago and I stood at the vet and cried at having to leave her. It's awful! They find such a big spot in our hearts :)

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  16. Just read this post. Thank you for being so honest and transparent about the infertility stuff you are going through. And you are a good mother and dog owner! You still have Coco and it looks like you'll keep her. That's just like kids. They're all different, but you love and keep them because they belong to you and you're comitted to them!

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  17. The RSPCA sends me a monthly newsletter and with Easter in mind, they have written about how toxic chocolate can be for dogs. I share their advice to add to your story of Coco's misfortune:

    Beware of a sweet tooth
    While you may be getting excited about the abundance of treats over Easter, don't forget that chocolate is toxic, and sometimes even fatal if ingested by our pets. 



    To reduce likelihood of ingestion, don't leave chocolate in a spot that your pet can reach. This is particularly important when leaving eggs out for an Easter hunt and it is best to count the number of eggs you hide and make sure all have been discovered, before your furry friend gets to them!

    Dogs are most commonly affected by chocolate toxicity as they are very good at seeking out tasty morsels, even through plastic wrapping. It is important to remember that cats and other species are susceptible to the toxic effects of chocolate too.
    What makes chocolate toxic?
    Chocolate contains Theobromine, a caffeine derivative that cannot be metabolized by our pets.
    Why isn't chocolate toxic to humans?
    Humans can break down and excrete Theobromine much more efficiently than our pets.
    What to watch out for:
    Symptoms from any amount of chocolate ingestion usually occur within hours of ingestion
    • hyperactivity
    • tremors
    • racing heartbeat
    • vomiting, diarrhoea
    • seizures
    • death
    Is certain chocolate more toxic than others? Yes. The more cocoa that is in the chocolate, the more toxic it is. Cooking chocolate is about seven times more toxic than milk chocolate

    Here is a bit of a guide to a potentially fatal amount for a 10kg dog:

    70g cooking chocolate
    200g semi sweet/dark chocolate 

    600g milk chocolate

    If your pet ingests chocolate you need to seek veterinary attention immediately. We will usually be able to reduce toxicity by inducing vomiting.

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  18. Thanks Ann-Maree for that very detailed comment. It's probably pertinent at Easter!
    Our vet said the same thing. They have lots of cases over the Easter weekend.

    Our little Jack Russell cross is only 7 kilos and only swallowed 30g of milk chocolate (half of which was red licorice). The problem was, we didn't realise until quite late at night and I didn't want to disturb our poor vet for such a small amount.
    It was only in the morning when I checked the symptoms on Google that I saw dogs can die 24 hours later having shown no symptoms whatsoever.
    So yes, I agree, always better to be safe that sorry!

    (Our dog had some symptoms, such as vomiting, but then perked up in the morning. But you can never tell how much has seeped into their system - and that's the danger.)

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  19. Sorry Ann-Maree, I've got my facts mixed up in the copy above. Our dog swallowed 30g but in the post I said she swallowed 400g. In actual fact, I think it was more like 300g, as we'd eaten some of the packet. I should have had an extra '0' on that figure in my comment above, which is the amount we ascertained that she'd digested. Good thing is, she's fine now!

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    1. With the Easter Bunny busy tonight leaving chocolate eggs around the garden (or for some Easter bunnies it will first thing in the morning after that first coffee) it's worthwhile remembering those over-excited pets chasing the kids around the backyard. How to remember exactly how many eggs I've thrown off the back deck when a certain Miss isn't looking will be challenge enough. Checking the dog or the cat is safe will only add to the mayhem. Wishing you a safe and happy Easter Janelle and thank you for sharing your aesthetic so beautifully.

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  20. I read your blog last week about poor old Coco. This morning we woke up to find our naughty puppy had climbed onto the dining table last night and helped herself to a generous share of Easter eggs! It was because I had read this post that I realised how dangerous it could be so we raced our puppy to the vet. She has been there ever since on a drip and we will collect her tomorrow morning. Might add while we were waiting at the vet 2 other dogs arrived as emergency patients as a result of eating chocolate too! But I just wanted to say thank you for sharing your experiences with Coco as it may well have saved my puppy's life! And yes I had the same reaction as you did when we were at the vet....very traumatic! Thank you Janelle and Coco!!

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  21. this post makes me weepy. Coco is divine x

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  22. Oh my, we surely understand! We have poodles..four at once years ago..all a family and a long story, but now we have only one at a time. Yes, they capture your heart, and keep one young and make you laugh and give unending love! Keep on loving her, and maybe she will actually get better at what you try to teach her. Praise her for every time she does what you want..even pee in the right places..you will be surprised how much they want to please you. Best wishes with your dogs! Cerélle

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